Ask the Expert

Published Wednesday, October 01, 2008 12:22 AM

How to deal with a difficult coworker

Dealing with a difficult coworker can be stressful and can affect your job performance. According to Quill’s Sr. HR Generalist, Kristin Garifo, the situation won’t get better, but only worse, if left unaddressed. Below are some steps to take to help the situation.

  • Take a look at yourself. Do you know for sure that the other person is really the problem? Are you possibly overreacting? Do you often have these types of problems with coworkers? Do you have hot buttons that are easily pushed? Always start with self examination and look for ways within yourself that you could possibly address this person differently before you determine the issue is their fault.

  • Talk with a trusted friend. Talking out your frustrations with a friend can help you cope. They can also help you come up with ideas on how to address the situation. Once you have come up with a plan, make sure you follow through so you don’t risk just becoming a whiner or complainer in the eyes of your colleague.

  • Talk with the “difficult” coworker in a private discussion. Before having a discussion....practice, practice, practice. When you are unprepared, you’re likely to react instinctively to your anger and annoyance with poor behavior. This will only succeed in making a bad situation worse. Also, use “I” phrases. Using “I” phrases is a communication approach that focuses on what you are experiencing and feeling in the situation rather than on attacking or accusing the other person. This helps them from becoming defensive. Using this method, you can explain to your coworker how their actions affect you. 

  • If you have done what you can do and tried the above with little or no success, it’s time to involve others. At this point, it is time to talk with your boss. Prepare for your conversation with your boss; address the issues, not as interpersonal problems, but as issues affecting your productivity, the work and your progress on projects. Together with your boss, make a plan. Perhaps involve your coworker’s boss. Recognize that a good boss is likely to bring your difficult coworker and his or her supervisor into a three- or four-way discussion at this point. Expect to participate in follow-up over time.

  • If these approaches fail to work, try to limit your interactions with the difficult person. Continue to act in a professional manner. Keep in mind the work still needs to get done, but avoid working with the person when possible. Excuse yourself from voluntary committees and choose projects he or she does not impact. Don’t hurt your own career or your business, but avoidance is an option.

 Have you had to deal with a difficult coworker? How did you address the situation?

by tinadh
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Comments

# justchillin99 said on Thursday, October 23, 2008 11:08 AM

what happens when the difficult coworker is your boss who can't respect you and continues to harrass you to the point where your the one that gets fired. and you go to hr and matters only become worse on the job.

# stella0073 said on Friday, May 01, 2009 11:00 AM

I ditto the comment from justchillin99 and want that answer. That is why I opened up the Ask the Expert side of this  - difficult co worker situation.

It seems like when the problem lies with the management - or the one "in control" of your job status - That one can be as difficult as they want and you are only at the mercy of them and they decisions.

I seriously would like to know the proper stepsin resolving this "mystery " issue with her. I have asked for preformance reviews and asked to meeting to try and have open discussion, but I am totally ignored with my requests. AND my past skills I have are not being utilized as I was told. Basically I was to be an administrative secretary and given only a reception duty.